Anyway, the thinking. I've been a hateful, cynical semi-monster for the grand majority of my life. I have always envied good people, and I've always kind of wanted to be better. This seems closer these days, but my optimism isn't yet the topic here.
I've put too much stock into the news, in other people's opinions. People froth at the mouth, gagging on the waves of insults and hate coursing out of them. I agreed; Muslims are savages, christians are rapists, rap's for trailer trash, japan is morally a wasteland, the President is satan himself. I've been thinking a lot lately. Most of the world judges most of the world on hearsay, rumors, and lies. Even when you think for yourself, sometimes you get caught in someone else's web of thought. I see myself cutting my way through all that lately.
I've been invested in strange things lately. Exercise, obscure russian video games, depression, seraphims, and bro puns. Fitting in. My high school career's looking like it's lost too much of a poor supply of motivation. I have friends because it's normal, for the most part; I'd otherwise be a polite stranger to everyone. I'm pushing myself into a different train of thought.
I adore pessimism, I always have. And walruses, but I digress. Optimism, however, has seeped through the cracks forming in cynicism. Places, people, ideas, everything's a little brighter, slightly less depraved to me lately. And I'm trying to encourage that, turn it into a habit. I've still noted almost daily that I often feel like I'm in hell; maybe I can get a tan while I'm here.